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Hi Reader,

Would you describe yourself as a perfectionist?

Or do you find yourself getting super stressed when situations (or people) don't go the way you think they should?

If so, meet Claire.

Claire was the kind of woman who made overachievement look like a lifestyle brand. Her kids' birthday parties looked like a Martha Stewart special: themed cupcakes, color-coordinated napkins, and centerpieces that matched the font of the invitation.

At work, she outperformed everyone, not because she wanted praise, but because she couldn't stand mediocrity.

Her motto was simple: "If you're going to do something, do it right. Or why bother?" And by right, she meant perfect.

Claire was respected, admired, and often exhausted. When her team failed to meet her standards, Claire didn't just feel frustrated; she felt betrayed.

"How can people not care as much as I do?" she muttered under her breath.

However, lately, the stress had been catching up with me. Claire's patience was thinner than her laptop, her sleep was inconsistent, and she'd begun to notice that the harder she pushed, the less she enjoyed her wins.

The Breaking Point

It happened one Tuesday during a major client presentation. She'd spent weeks perfecting every slide, every stat, every possible question they might ask.

Then, right in the middle of her pitch, the Wi-Fi went down and her screen froze. Her team panicked, and for the first time, Claire didn't have a backup plan.

She forced a smile, but inside, she felt her control slipping like sand through her fingers. When it was over, the client still signed the deal. Everyone congratulated her.

But instead of celebrating, Claire sat in her car afterward, gripping the steering wheel, thinking, "This was a disaster. How could they let this happen? How could I let this happen?"

The Conversation That Changed Everything

The next morning, she vented to her mentor, Diane, a retired executive who somehow radiated calm even while drinking what looked like liquid jet fuel.

"Diane, it drives me crazy when people don't do what they're supposed to. It's like I can't rely on anyone but myself."

Diane smiled. "And how's that working out?"

Claire sighed. "It's working... but it's exhausting."

Diane nodded knowingly. "You remind me of how I used to be. I thought being excellent meant being in control of every detail. I wanted everything, and everyone, to experience the best possible version of life. But the more I tried to control outcomes, the more stressed everyone became. I told myself the goal was to enhance happiness, but, instead, I just felt more pressure."

Claire frowned. "So what, I should just lower my standards? Or stop caring so others don't feel bad?"

Diane smiled compassionately. "No. You should care deeply. Just not desperately. There's a difference. Excellence is doing your best. Perfectionism is trying to avoid judgement, either inwardly or from others."

Claire raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean, care deeply, but not desperately?"

Diane leaned back and said, "When you care deeply, you give your best effort because it's aligned with your values. You're in it for growth, contribution, and love of the process. But when you care desperately, you attach your worth to the outcome. You start believing that if something goes wrong, you are wrong. Or that something terrible will happen because you've lost what felt like control. That's not passion. It's fear in a fancy outfit."

Diane continued, "Desperate caring feels like holding your breath. Deep caring feels like taking a breath. One drains you, the other sustains you."

Claire sat quietly, letting that sink in. For the first time, she realized that her obsession with perfection wasn't just about excellence, but also about safety. "If I could just make everything perfect, I wouldn't have to face the consequences of losing control."

Diane replied, "What would happen if you let go of control?"

Claire reflected for a moment and then softly uttered, "Well, if I stay in control, then it prevents bad things from happening. My mind is constantly thinking about how to avoid all the possible ways life can go sideways, and I've worked so hard for so long to keep that from happening. So when something gets past me or doesn't go according to plan, it feels like a horrible event is about to happen now."

She continued, "Occasionally, I'll feel disrespected as if others don't appreciate my efforts, even if I rationally know they do. And it really irritates me when someone says, 'It's good enough' or 'It is what it is' because I know it could be so much better, even if it's already pretty good. I just feel robbed of a greater joy or sense of satisfaction."

Diane's eyes twinkled in recognition of these beliefs. In a softer voice, she replied, "The moment you realize your value doesn't change based on a temporary outcome, you unlock a new level of freedom. You'll still strive for excellence, but from a place of peace, not pressure.

Sometimes bad things are going to happen no matter what we do to prevent them, Claire. That's where grace, resilience, and wisdom come in. And a lot of deep breathing."

Diane leaned in. "Think of it like this. Pilots aim for 100% safe takeoffs and landings. But do they expect clear skies every time? Of course not. They train for turbulence. They anticipate crosswinds. And when something unexpected happens, they course-correct instead of panicking. Nobody crashes and then says, 'It is what it is.' Expect the best, train to prevent the worst, and let go of the rest."

Claire nodded slowly. "So it's not about lowering the bar. It's about being calm enough to adjust mid-flight."

"Exactly," Diane said. "And enjoy the ride. You can shoot for excellence without demanding perfection. Excellence expands your peace. Perfectionism steals it. When you plant a seed in the ground, you don't then stand over it shouting, 'Grow! Grow! Grow!'

Your job is to stick that seed into the ground and then trust that it will do it's part. You can water that seed, but you cannot control whether it blossoms or withers away. So, find peace in the process by understanding that you can always plant more seeds."

The Belief Shift

That night, Claire wrote in her journal: "My belief has always been that I have to be perfect to feel safe. But what if I'm already safe, even when things go wrong?"

That one shift changed everything. Claire started allowing space for imperfection. When a team member missed a deadline, she coached instead of criticizing. When her son's birthday cake collapsed in the middle, she laughed and called it "modern art." Her world didn't fall apart. It actually got brighter.

The Lesson

Claire realized that peace doesn't come from flawless performance. It comes from flexible thinking. When life doesn't stick to the plan, it's not failure, a threat, or an attack; it's feedback and an opportunity for behavioral flexibility, meaning you can interpret and respond to that experience in a dozen different ways, not just in the way you are habitually used to.

Here's what Claire discovered (and what you can too):
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You can care without controlling. The healthiest leaders set standards, give grace, and can shift their perspective using the right tools for the job (do I need to be a role model, mentor, best friend, boundary setter, etc?).

Every day is a privilege to begin again. Life isn't about getting it right; it's about realigning when it goes sideways.

Perfectionism is fear in disguise. Excellence is love: love for the work, for the people, and for yourself.

Claire 2.0

A month later, a mistake was made that normally would have pushed Claire through the roof. Instead, she took a slow, deep breath, and then reminded everyone that this was a teachable moment and it would only make them stronger.

One of her coworkers glanced around the room and said, "Who are you, and what did you do with our boss?" Everyone laughed. Then Claire smiled and said, "I'm still here. Just with a bit more wisdom."

Then she fired that guy.

(Just kidding ;)

Thanks for reading...

:) Tim

Tim Shurr, MA
​President, Shurr Success, Inc.​
Founder, Indy Hypnosis Centers​
877-944-HOPE ​
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PS, Please reply if you enjoyed this story. I'm writing a new book and the stories you enjoy the most will be added. In other words, you are helping me write it!

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Upcoming Event

The movie Zero Limits, which explores the incredible power of the mind and various healing modalities that free you from mental restraints, has now been nominated for over 40 international film awards and already won 27 of them! 🏆

People everywhere are resonating with the message that life itself is a miracle and you have the power within to make life more fulfilling.

Now, the cast of Zero Limits is showcasing how to apply the methods taught during a 2-day live online event THIS WEEK, so you can experience more miracles in your life.

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Join Joe Vitale and several cast members (including me) for "Zero Limits Living!" on November 11th & 12th from 12pm - 5pm EST.

👉 Register here!​

This ONLINE event is all about helping you expand your mind, open your heart, and align your life with the attitude that anything is possible.

The cast will be sharing their best healing tools and strategies with YOU! It will be two full days of healing and breakthroughs. I look forward to seeing you there!

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