I help high-achieving founders, business owners, and sales pros upgrade their "mental operating system" to achieve elite results without the burnout. Using the One Belief Away™ method, I help you rapidly eliminate subconscious resistance and install the unshakeable confidence needed to scale your business, strengthen your marriage, and restore inner peace.
How much of your life can you actually control?
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[One Shift Away VIP Newsletter with Tim Shurr] Are you responsible for everything that happens to you? Or, do you believe that destiny rules over your life? Or somewhere in between? I don’t claim to know the answer. However, I’ve observed that the beliefs we have about this do influence our well-being. For example, I’ve met some who’ve been led to believe that they have unconsciously attracted everything they’ve ever experienced into their lives because of karma, past lives, or deep unconscious programming. So they felt profound guilt or a sense of failure about the difficulties they faced because “it must be my fault.” I’m a proponent of taking accountability for one’s actions. Yet the idea that if you get stuck in traffic, get caught in a storm, experience a setback, or slip and fall, you caused those events is irrational. It’s also emotionally detrimental. The line of thinking is, “If something isn’t working, I must have caused it. Attracted it. Chose it. I didn’t think positively enough. I didn’t work hard enough. It’s my fault.” If you grow up in a family where the father blames you for problems he experiences and a belief forms in your mind that you are unworthy of being loved, is that your fault? No. Even if it’s your belief, you didn’t put it there. Most don’t even realize they have these invisible beliefs floating around in their mental operating system. They think this is just how life is for them. You didn’t choose where you were born, your parents, culture, religion, socio-economic status, or what color your eyes are. You don’t control the economy, illness, accidents, loss, timing, or countless other circumstances that can change the course of a life. You also don’t control other people’s choices…and that’s an important one to remember. Then there’s the other extreme: everything is destiny. When situations go well or poorly, it’s just the way they were meant to happen. There’s nothing you can do about it. That can feel comforting, but taken too far, it can become another form of helplessness. If everything is already decided, why bother changing anything? There is zero personal ownership in that concept, which is why it can fuel pride, arrogance, self-pity, and depression. Indeed, I cannot control the weather, but I can dress for it. I may get caught in the rain, but if I believe a storm is coming, I’ll bring an umbrella. If I slip and fall, it’s not because God wanted me to have a broken arm so I don’t have to go to a job that makes me miserable. Sometimes, sh!t just happens. What I believe most is what a guy named Randy Pausch said while battling a terminal illness: “We are not in control of the hand we are dealt, but only in how we play it.” You’re not responsible for everything that happens to you. Nor are you powerless over what happens next. Even if you cannot change a circumstance, you can choose how to interpret it in your mind. Life has three different layers. What you don’t control: (These are the cards you’re dealt.)
- You can’t control your entire life today, but you can influence what happens next. - You can’t guarantee success, but you can dramatically increase it’s odds (mostly through skill-building, effort, and belief optimization). - You can’t guarantee that people will love you, but you can become someone capable of creating healthier relationships. - You can’t prevent hardship, but you can become someone who handles hardship more effectively. - You can’t choose every circumstance, but you can choose what you make of the circumstance you’re given. This belief also seems accurate: “The more you accept what you can’t control, the more energy you have to influence what you can.”
But when we can say: “That’s not mine to control,” we regain that energy that can be directed towards what’s within our charge. Maybe that’s what destiny really is. Not necessarily a predetermined future waiting somewhere ahead of us. But the life that becomes possible through the intersection of our choices, circumstances, abilities, relationships, and all the things we cannot control. So, here’s a 2-part question for you: What becomes possible when you stop taking responsibility for what isn’t yours, and start taking full responsibility for what is? You may not control the whole story, but you have a say in who you become inside it. Always rooting for you… :) Tim Tim Shurr, MA For Keynotes and Corporate Programs |
Helping High-Performers Scale Performance with Peace, Not Pressure.
I help high-achieving founders, business owners, and sales pros upgrade their "mental operating system" to achieve elite results without the burnout. Using the One Belief Away™ method, I help you rapidly eliminate subconscious resistance and install the unshakeable confidence needed to scale your business, strengthen your marriage, and restore inner peace.
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Hi Reader, Dr. Marty Seligman spent decades studying learned helplessness, depression, optimism, and happiness. One of the questions he became fascinated with was this: Why do some people go through incredibly difficult circumstances and shut down, while others go through equally difficult circumstances and somehow become stronger? His early research on learned helplessness showed something profound. When people repeatedly experience situations where they feel they have no control, no choice,...
Hi Reader, There’s something I say during private coaching sessions that has become very important to me. After someone makes breakthroughs in how they think, behave, or handle life, I say, “I’m very proud of you.” It's heartbreaking to hear so many people get quiet and reply, “Nobody’s ever said that to me before.”Grown, capable adults. People running companies, raising families, or holding everyone else together…never really feeling appreciated. Something else interesting is that the people...